Alex Cabot says, “Good night…also, don’t fuck with me.”
UNF.
…oh, yes.
Stephanie March guest-starred as Gretchen Thomas in one of my favorite 30 Rock episodes ever, Blind Date; the episode included Jack, Liz’s boss, setting her up on a date with “Thomas,” with Thomas ending up being Gretchen…the gag being that Liz is straight. Since this was essentially the episode that made me become obsessed with the show, and because the dialogue between Tina Fey’s Liz Lemon (or, as the Chinese know her, Lesbian Yellowsourfruit) and Stephanie March’s Gretchen Thomas is so fantastic, I have transcribed pretty much all of it below:
Liz: If I’m gonna be with someone, it has to be a guy.
Gretchen: You sound pretty sure about that.
Liz: What can I say, I love a bald spot and a hairy back.
Gretchen: You’re alone there.
Liz: Why would Jack just assume that we’re lesbians?
Gretchen: I am a lesbian.
Liz: Mmmm, that’s awesome.
Gretchen: Is this the first time somebody’s made that assumption about you?
(flashbacks)
Volleyball Coach: (to teenage Liz) Lemon, don’t let these girls give you a hard time about… who you are.
Dentist: (to child Liz) You know, you need to brush your teeth more, young man.
Old Lady: (looking at baby Liz) Oh, my, what an adorable little lesbian!
[oh man, do I relate to those flashbacks like whoa]
Gretchen: Oh, I worked with Jack in plastics. He tends to approach everything that way. Locate the problem, isolate the problem, set the problem up with a lesbian.
Liz: That’s a pretty good joke for somebody from plastics.
Gretchen: Well, I wasn’t always in plastics. I used to work in water process technologies, working mainly in primary metals.
Liz: Ah, so you have a comedy background.
Liz: Even though I am… not into the sex stuff, if it helps you, I would let you… do stuff to me.
Gretchen: I can’t be around you anymore. Bye, Liz.
Liz: That’s funny. That’s what the guys always say.
[I have heard that first line more times than I care to admit]
And the icing on this wit cake:
Liz: What made you think I was gay?
Jack: Your shoes.
Liz: Well, I’m straight.
Jack: Those shoes are definitely bi-curious.
Alex, where’s your suit?
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